Valentine's Day Special: Likes & Loves

Or: what has helped get me through.

The past few months have been a little less productive for me in terms of art making and career building. I’ve been feeling really rotten about it, and of course scared that if I don’t make enough content to feed the algorithm that I’ll be forgotten. But I’ve decided that I can have a little guilt free pause, as a treat. I’ve been busy in other ways like preparing for having a baby, enjoying my pregnancy, nesting, spending time with Gabe while it’s still just the two of us, coping with pandemic fatigue, and generally attempting to get my life into order before this massive change. I also have some future projects that are slowly coming together behind the scenes.

I thought I’d take this transitional lull time to do a mini roundup of favourite things, or things that have helped get me through some of my recent challenges, including this pandemic slog that we all share in some form. Until now I’ve avoided ever making a list like this because I think I might actually be a bit of a philistine?! When you see these lists they are full of deep cuts and hidden treasures. Things I wind up loving are often dorky or basic, or stuff that I’ve just luckily stumbled upon. My favourite books to read are juicy Stephen King books that you’d find on some beachy cottage shelf. I watch Star Trek at the end of pretty much every day. As I spoke about in my last entry, I don’t have sophisticated culinary delights to report on. Can I report on a great clementine I had while laid out on my couch, or the comfort I took in a Big Mac I paid too much to have delivered to my house on a sad day? Or how bored I am of the healthy smoothie I have everyday? I don’t often treat myself to clothes or jewelry or other fashions, and I tend to tune out that world because it feels out of my grasp most of the time. I enjoy my taste in music, but it’s old-timey and all over the place: I don’t have my finger on the pulse of anything new.

On top of all of this, we locked down pretty hard during this last Omicron wave because of the baby on the way, and the ice and snow left by the blizzards in Toronto aren’t easy for my pregnant body to traverse, so life has been anti-social, low key and mostly happening in my apartment. Being real: it’s a lot of dumb TV. Because I thrive on friendships, summery feelings and outdoor wanderings, it’s been easy to feel gloomy or angry about this, and I’m exhausted by own pandemic grief, so I just can’t really make too much space for it right now. 

So I hope you enjoy this brief list of the likes and loves of a philistine dork, or maybe the correct terminology is “basic bitch.” 

(p.s. these are just things I like and NOT ads or partnerships!)

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This Jam

I was barely interested in jam until I met Zuegg, and now I’m a self proclaimed jam person. Gabe and I have been trying to push this Italian jam onto our loved ones ever since we’ve discovered it, but no one else seems as interested in it as us. I often wonder if I’m nuts… is this just a normal jam that’s somehow put a hex on me? To me it tastes exceptionally fresh and fruity, but still like a classic sugary jam. Raspberry is my top choice: when I have some on a piece of toast I feel like I exist in a raspberry world far away from here.

John O’Donohue

I recently re-listened to this On Being talk with John O’Donohue and felt once again reassured about my place in this mysterious life. Something about him makes me feel like I’m getting that hug from Robin Williams at the end of Good Will Hunting. I used a selection from one of his poems, A Blessing for Beauty in my book Make A Living. I’m not a religious person, but John O’Donohue’s words get me closest to what I imagine is the comfort and wonder that comes with the belief in a divine presence.

Crochet

The soft and repetitive actions of crochet, along with the slow accomplishment of a project purely for hobby has helped me navigate some recent times of difficult thoughts and anxiety. I tried for many years to be a knitter, but when I figured out all I wanted to make were granny square quilts, I bought a crochet hook and had at it. I learned from YouTube and other tutorials and made some granny square blankets. I’ll never go back to knitting because crochet is way cooler imho. I’m now making my first sweater with this Aziel Cardigan pattern from Wavelengths. I went against instinct and I’m using this freaky colour block… I think because I was inspired by all the rich, saturated colours they wore in the Get Back Beatles documentary.

This Book of Pictures and Poems

A Moth Exits by Alicia Nauta and Hannah Pax-Enkel. Everyday, I take a pause to bounce and sway on a fitness ball and this book sits across from me on my coffee table. As I indulge in this act of weightless bouncy ball levitation, I let my eyes gently rest on these Risograph printed pages, taking in the words and images that bring beauty to the everyday, which is much appreciated in this locked down winter. When I spend time with this book I instinctively take deeper breaths without thinking.

Action Movies

I’ve always loved action movies, but as infertility wore on and on, they became a safe and comforting presence in my life. It’s fairly rare that there are pregnancy triggers in action movies, and even when they show up, they’re a little dangerous or complicated or just mere plot devices for heroic behaviour, so they get a pass. But ya, action movies usually don’t have happy endings as a result of pregnancy or babies (although the action movie that I fall back on the most, that comforts me deeply is Aliens, which does have its fair share of mommy issues… but their dark complexity is something I can relate to. I like that Ripley experiences unconventional motherhood in the wake of loss while also being at odds with the queen mother Xenomorph). And because my infertility/loss trauma didn’t vanish when I became pregnant, I still require action movies in heavy doses. I love a good Jack Ryan style film where the stakes are very high: like there is a weapon that will destroy all of America, and the only person who can stop it is a hesitant yet brave dad type in cool jeans. I just watched the 1992 Steven Seagal classic Under Siege which features throat ripping, roundhouse kicks, Gary Busey in drag, and Tommy Lee Jones as a blues-man baddy. Chef’s kiss.

But don’t worry about me: the following night we watched Antonioni’s L’avventura to honour the life of the beautiful and talented Monica Vitti, so we are not just smoothing our brains into polished marble every night with trashy cinema (although I have no objections to such a thing).

Sigourney & Hot Dog

Gabe sent me this photo of a summertime carefree Sigourney Weaver eating a hot dog with her locks blowing in the breeze. He said she reminded him of me a little and I’ve never felt more seen or loved. 

Cheese Bread

I remember loaves of grocery store cheese bread being a staple in our home growing up. I loved how the orange cheddar would wrap itself around each and every glutenous air bubble like in some luminous crystal cave. I splurged on a loaf recently and it was still as good as I remember. But let me ask you something: where have all the cheese croissants gone? They used to be a regular at coffee shops, no? On my favourite walk up to Cedarvale park in the summer I was shocked and thrilled to discover that Hunter Coffee Shop had cheese croissants. How very rare!

This Hair Oil

I’m not one to splurge on such things, but it was the sexy sauna scent of this Odin Hair Oil that first cast its spell on me. My hairdresser used it last time I got a cut and I spent the rest of the day feeling transported to someplace where I was calm and maybe slightly aroused. Oh, and it makes my hair effortlessly soft and pretty.

Popcorn

I knew we’d be indoors watching lots of movies when the pandemic hit in 2020, so I splurged on the Rolls Royce of popcorn makers: the timeless stovetop Whirley Pop, which makes a perfect pop every time and also comes with the anticipation and thrills you might get from poofing up a Jiffy Pop. Fully leaning in, I paired this new addition with a carton of Flavacol for full movie theatre sodium buttery flavour (please don’t @ me if you feel this is an unhealthy choice. I already know it). The Whirley Pop has become one of my prized possessions!

This Risograph Print

I have so many fond memories of dining for cheap at the now closed Kom Jug Yuen when I lived down the street in my 20’s. This Riso print made by Tj Garcia and printed by Colour Code Print makes my kitchen feel $5-worth-of-BBQ-pork-on-rice-in-the-belly cozier. Tj’s restaurant storefront drawings are so nice, and I feel grateful to anyone commemorating disappearing Toronto with such grace.

These Cookies

When I welcomed gluten back into my life I felt like having a good go-to chocolate chip cookie recipe to fall back on. For years I’d made the Bon Appetit Best Chocolate Chip cookie. But the last time I ate one I couldn’t avoid the question: “is this really the best?” They feel fancy because you brown the butter but I’m not sure the flavour comes through enough for it to be worth the extra step.

I remembered my time working at a child parent drop in centre where I ran the community kitchen. Our oatmeal chocolate chip cookie recipe was a real crowd pleaser. So, I got out the community cookbook that I used as a template for all the meals I made when working there. It took some deep breaths to revisit this recipe because I would often encounter problems when baking them in the community kitchen… usually they would spread and smoke which could set off the fire alarm through the whole building which could make all the babies cry and parents give me dirty looks. I thought it was my dream job but in practice it was a lot of work to get done in part-time hours on a wage just slightly about the minimum. Turns out even a dream jobs can be nightmares if you don’t get paid a livable wage. The cookies would spread because I myself was spread thin at this job and would cut corners like softening my butter overnight (too soft!).

I made these at home recently and they really are perfect as a good no frills, classic, good times cookie. The oats are barely noticeable except in a rich and nutty flavour. You can also sub the chocolate chips for raisins and throw in a teaspoon of cinnamon, if that’s your thing (they’re really good this way!).

(But if you want the best chocolate chip cookie that you didn’t have to bake I’d say get it from Ba Noi. May as well grab some butter tarts (the best ever imho) and a loaf of bread while you’re at it.)

My recipe notes:

•Using my hands to mix helped, especially combining the dry ingredients into the butter.

•I mixed the sugar into the butter, because that’s the cookie procedure I know.

•I used a slightly heaped 1.75” inch ice cream scoop for each cookie, or weighed them at approximately 45g, which made exactly 3 dozen cookies.

•I only had about 1.5 cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips and it still felt like a lot.

•I “squashed” them onto a parchment lined baking sheet just a bit so they weren’t totally flat but also didn’t resemble balls anymore.

•I baked them 12 at a time in the middle rack in three batches because I ran out of parchment paper, but I think it was for the best.

•In my oven, 11 minutes was a good bake. You want them to be barely golden and firm to the touch on the edges. They should be cooked one moment beyond raw in the middle.

•They freeze great, which keeps me from devouring them in one go.

This Sweet and Perfect Song

Sometimes all you need are your three good companions: your rifle, pony, and yourself.

Valentines Day

It’s my favourite holiday because you get to celebrate love in whatever capacity you wish, in whatever way you want, and if you don’t celebrate at all no one will ever care. Plus it looks super cute and is treat-centric: pink & red, flowers, bonbons, pun-based love notes, cinnamon hearts, etc. Happy Valentine’s Day! 

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Thank you for reading my goofy little roundup. I wanted to send out this last Cup O’ Soup before I go on an extended baby break. Thank you to all who have made it fun so far… I will be back! I’ll leave you with this video of a baby farting out a powder poof.