I’m writing this last minute Mother’s Day Cup O’ Soup entry on my phone in a darkened room from atop my giant purple fitness ball while I am constantly in an up and down bounce, with a sleeping baby strapped to my body in a carrier. These circumstances are the only ones in which he’ll go down (and very often stay down) for a nap. I do this bounce bounce sleepy time routine 4 - 6 times a day until the evening, at which point I feed and clean myself, cram in a few unavoidable chores, and slump onto the couch and let out a long sigh while I watch a television program and head to bed for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. In this current moment, I’m gazing out the window at the fluffy white blossoms soaking up sunbeams on my neighbours cherry tree, and dreaming about what it must be like to be out in that perfect spring air, with a hint of celebration in the gentle breeze.
For the past several (or perhaps even, many) years, Mother’s Day has not been an easy day for me. Because of infertility, yes but for other reasons too. Even though I was not the mother that I longed to be, I was still the daughter that I have no choice in being, so I took part in the celebration even when I wanted to hide. I somehow hoped that my pain might be acknowledged in the midst of the revelry, but let’s be real: I would have hated that.
My heart goes out to anyone who struggles with Mother’s Day, anyone who feels longing or loss on this day. I used to delete my apps or put my phone away, so chances are most people who I’m thinking of won’t be reading this anyways. I still am avoiding most of the fanfare this year, partially because I’m a full-time nap whisperer at the moment, but also because I still have complicated feelings.
This year my heart is also heavy with the recent Roe V. Wade news from the states. No one should be forced by the government into motherhood.
This is another quickie entry written between naps and wake windows. Who knows when the next one will come. I hope you stay with me while I weather this adorable storm.
I have a new print coming out, just in time for spring. It will be up in the shop on Thursday, May 12th at some time after noon. That’s a specific as I can be about time right now. Hope that’s ok!